I'm gay? Why did no one tell me!!!!!

Published on June 15, 2004 By Horatio0193 In Life Journals

It is official!! I don’t like watching sports on TV so I am gay!!! Ooooh I feel so liberated right now, let me mince on down to the store and buy myself a tight leather vest thing and some chaps and while I am at it maybe I should grow one of those macho looking moustaches!

Now don’t shoot me for my view of what a gay man looks like, I lived in a town that was officially the gay capital of Europe for most of my life and I swear on a Saturday night out in the right (or wrong) part of town that would be the uniform, it might not be where you live but it was where I lived so erm… there?

Anyway why do I declare to the world that I don’t like watching sports so I am gay? Well this was a quote from a part of my life today. See I have to deal with a lot of workmen in my job. I tell them what to do over the phone and like good little workmen they go off and do it. Actually most of the time they go down the local café, have a fag and a cup of tea, think about doing what I asked them to do and then decide that going home and kicking the dog would be the best use of their time. Today I had to ask one of them to go and fix a lock in one of our CCTV offices as they have been under attack from local kids lately and they couldn’t lock the door so obviously this was a cause of concern for them. The end of my conversation with the workman went something like this: (wm = workman H = well… me obviously!)

Wm: Ok so I’ll get down there in the next hour and get it sorted right?

H: Yeah that’s fine, let her know when you are done though yeah? She is a bit worried about the attacks happening again and wants to lock up asap ok?

Wm: Yeah ok. Oh before I forget, what a crap result on Sunday wasn’t it?? (England lost the football to France 2-1, just in case you are one of them American creatures…

).

H: Yeah gutting.

Wm: did you see the last goal? What a bloody

H: Actually no I didn’t see it, I was busy.

Wm: Busy? BUSY?? Doing what?!?!?

H: Stuff, you know how it goes.

Wm: We were playing France and you were doing “STUFF?”

H: Yup

Wm: Now you are going to tell me you didn’t see us win the rugby world cup either!

H: We won that? Way to go us! And no I didn’t, I don’t watch sport…

Wm: Oh my GOD! What are you gay!!! How could you not watch sport!!! You must be queerer than that poof off of that programme, oh damn what is it, you know the one with the nancy boy. Damn I don’t know what its called cos I hate queers!

H: Actually yes I am gay. Do you have a problem with that?

Wm…………………

H: Is that your final word on it?

Wm: *muffled talking as he has his hand over the phone you can just make out the words “Yeah he says he is gay!!” followed by much hilarity from the guy he is talking to.*

See thing is his supervisor was there with him and I know his supervisor really well. I have weekly meetings with him and we get to find out how much in penalties he is going to pay me because his guys haven’t done the work properly. The workman on the other hand has only ever talked to me on the phone so has no idea what I look like. Lets just say I am an imposing figure. There are not many people who would meet me in a dark alley and try to do anything other than run away. I on the other hand know that the workman stands just over 5 foot tall and is as weak as Bambi and here he is questioning my sexuality because I don’t watch sport.

His supervisor told him that he should apologise to me and he refused. He was then told by his supervisor that if he did not apologise that he was going to drag the workman to my office to apologise in person and “You really really do not want to do that!!” But still he refused and so… Just before I knocked off of work the supervisor walked into the office with a big bog off grin on his head and brought behind him the workman. He was told to go and apologise to me. The real funny thing was we have a temp at the moment doing all of our data input work, he is not the most masculine person in the world and even though the supervisor pointed at me and we were talking the dumb arse workman assumed the temp was me! He actually apologised to the guy!!

When his mistake was pointed out to him he actually said I can’t be gay because I don’t look like one! What does one look like pray tell? Yes ignore my crack about the tight leather etc… But of course he was right I am not gay but the moral of the story is never say anything like that over the phone to someone you have never met because as sure as I am sitting here the guy on the other end is going to turn out to be much bigger than you and will kick your arse for you!

And no, I am not gay, my wife can attest to this, but then you have never met my wife have you? Her name could be Arnold for all you know!

Comments

on Jun 15, 2004

Lol! Great article. I hate those who assume stuff based on certain unrelated trails like not watching sports.

Sally jacobs

on Jun 15, 2004

, that made me giggle! But on a more serious matter you really should of watched the football, hehe

Sexylildevil

on Jun 19, 2004

Lmaooo too funny,

kingbee

on Jun 19, 2004

excellent story told very well (arent some of those writer guys gay?)

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